In my revision I focused mostly on developing the story a little bit more. It already had a beginning, middle, and end, I just wanted to fill in the blanks some more. That included character development to make the reader see deeper into the story. This is a creepy little story, probably produced from too many episodes of crime shows, but it also struggles with the issue of was this justified? It is hard to do that with such little words but I hope it works!
The two stood face to face, looking in the other’s eyes.
“What do you want?” The man asked, studying the other man’s body language.
He never replied. His hair was long, about shoulder length and blonde. Blue eyes stared calmly and deadly. He towered over the short, balding man with a belly that stuck out, bloated with beer and hard liquors.
“Anything you want, I’ll give it to you.” The first man pleaded.
“As you may recall, you have something of mine. The child you and your wife could never make,” he said steadily.
The blue-eyed man watched as the other recalled the night on a train when a young toddler was stolen. It was a crowded train, and they stole into the night of the poorly lit station. The blue-eyed man could imagine his wife’s astonishment and initial reaction of wrong doing when he first brought home this child. But as she saw the little girl with her big blue eyes and soft blonde hair and realized that could be hers. The maternal need and want to have this child as hers soon began to outweigh her morals.
“You were supposed to never be able to find us. We did everything, we changed our names, we moved halfway across the country, you weren’t supposed to be here,” he whispered, eyes widening with recognition.
“It took years. But that night you took my baby, the only meaning I had to my life, you took. I spent 13 years looking for you and I would spend 13 more if I had to.” He threw the first man against the alley wall in a chokehold.
It was dark and late. Nobody would be around to hear him. The first man should have taken a taxi home instead of walking from the bar. He realized this now. If only he was not so cheap, that could have saved his life.
“I’ve seen the way you treat her and your wife. You come home drunk every night and can’t even get up in the morning. But you and I both know I won’t get caught tonight. I’ve waited 13 years. That’s given me plenty of time to watch and plan and see why you deserve this.” The blue-eyed man pulled out a knife with a gloved hand. His anger filled his mind over how this man had treated his baby. He had meant what he said about waiting another 13 years as long as he got his baby back.
The man did not even have time to scream, nor would he have been sober enough to try and struggle his way out. There was a slight pause before the blue-eyed man withdrew his knife and walked away. Soon he would be able to have his baby. He knew his plan from here on out and was ready to put it in motion.
He knew the town drunk would not be missed. He was more of a burden to the police than what he was worth. The town lights dimmed on the shadowy figure. And then there was one.
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